I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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