it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
