I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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