elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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