All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
