Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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