forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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