Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
