apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
A bitchslap is in order.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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