Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I love you. Go after that dick
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
