apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
