This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
