I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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