You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
