i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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