so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize