at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
