R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
my liver is dry heaving
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
