GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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