my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
