Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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