I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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