Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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