They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
