...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
