My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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