Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
