I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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