Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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