I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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