I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize