Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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