I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
