You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
sarcasm needs its own font
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
