he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
