I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
