I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
