I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
