I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
