someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
