I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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