Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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