Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
