why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
