you guys were way drunker than both of me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
