hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
BRING THE BAGELS
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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