I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
