she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize