At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
