you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
