Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
