Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize