You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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