Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
