I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize