Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
