My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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