As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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