Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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