I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
