he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
