the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
