Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
