I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
